Saying "no" to invitations - the gentle way.

    Let's start with a short conversational exchange. Tom and George work in the same office. Tom tries to invite George to an evening of karaoke:

    CONVERSATION:

    Tom:
    Say, George, I was thinking of going out to a karaoke place with a couple of friends tonight. Would you like to come with us?

    George:
    No, I wouldn't.
    (End of conversation).

    QUESTION:
    Does George like Tom?

    ANSWER:
    It seems to me that George doesn't like Tom very much. He gives a very short simple reply beginning with the word, "No!" That can sound pretty hard and could (possibly) have a meaning similar to "No, I certainly do not want to go to karaoke with you or any of your friends. Don't ever ask me again!"

    When we say "yes" to an invitation, we often use quite short phrases: Yes, I'd love to or Yeah, that sounds great. However, when we want to refuse an invitation we have to be more careful about the language we use. Two important points are:

    1. It's best not to use the word, "no" - it can sound very harsh and cold.
    2. It's a good idea to explain briefly why you are refusing the invitation.

    EXERCISE
    Rewrite George's response so that it sounds more friendly. Remember not to use the word "no" and remember to give a reason for not accepting the invitation.

    After you've written your example, click here to see a suggested answer and read some further comments.

    If you want to try some of my other one-point lessons, click here.

    © Robert E. Jones, 2003