Saying "no" to invitations - the gentle way

Suggested answers to the exercise

    Here are some examples of other ways that George could have responded:

    EXAMPLE ONE:

    Tom:
    Say, George, I was thinking of going out to a karaoke place with a couple of friends tonight. Would you like to come with us?

    George:
    Well, I'd like to, but you see I've already promised to take my mother out to bingo. I'd certainly like to go some other time, though.

    EXAMPLE TWO:

    Tom:
    Say, George, I was thinking of going out to a karaoke place with a couple of friends tonight. Would you like to come with us?

    George:
    Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not much of a karaoke fan. But if you'd like to go out for a drink or something sometime, I'd be happy to go along.

    EXAMPLE THREE:

    Tom:
    Say, George, I was thinking of going out to a karaoke place with a couple of friends tonight. Would you like to come with us?

    George:
    Erm... well... I'd really like to, but I don't think I can make it this evening. You see... I've promised to take my mother out to bingo and...

    Tom:
    That's all right. I understand. Maybe some other time when you're free.

Further Comments

    Rejecting an invitation may involve hesitation, appreciative comments, softeners and other techniques. Below is a list of some of the typical phrases we might use:

      HESITATIONS:
    • Umm...
    • Well...
    • Erm... well... actually...
    • Well... you see... the thing is...

      STATEMENTS OF APPRECIATION:
    • It's nice of you to ask, but...
    • I'd really like to, but...
    • I really appreciate the invitation, but...
    • Normally I'd say yes, but...

      SOFTENING THE REJECTION:
    • I don't think I can make it this evening.
    • This evening's a bit difficult, I'm afraid.
    • Tonight could be a little difficult.
    • I think I'm going to have to say 'no' this time.
    • I'm not really a great karaoke fan.
    • I don't really like karaoke all that much.

      Notes:
    1. In many of these phrases, we say things like I don't think..., could be a little difficult, not really. These short phrases help to soften the rejection and make it sound more gentle.
    2. In one of the above sentences, we see "I'm going to have to say 'no' this time." In this case, George uses the word "no," but it is softened by his use of "I'm going to have to say..." and, therefore, is not as harsh as a straight "no!"

      INTRODUCING THE REASON:
    • You see, I have to...
    • It's just that...

    We can see all these techniques in EXAMPLE THREE:

      Erm... well... (HESITATION) I'd really like to, (STATEMENT OF APPRECIATION) but I don't think (SOFTENER) I can make it this evening (THE ACTUAL REJECTION). You see...(INTRODUCING THE REASON) I've promised to take my mother out to bingo and...(THE ACTUAL REASON).

    Also notice how Tom responds to George at the end: "That's all right. I understand. Maybe some other time when you're free."

    I hope you enjoyed this week's lesson. I also hope that if you spend time overseas in the future, you will receive many invitations from the people you meet and that you will be able to accept those invitations. There are many more one-point lessons available, so if you want to see them, please click here.

    © Robert E. Jones, 2003