I hope you don't mind my asking, but...
(How to ask and respond to personal questions)

    • How old are you?
    • Do you have a boyfriend?
    • Are you married?
    • How much do you earn?
    • How much did you pay for that dress?
    • What's your religion?
    • Which party did you vote for in the last election?

    I have been teaching English for more than 25 years and I have worked in 5 different countries. In one country that I worked in, it was very common for people to ask questions like the ones at the top of this page: "How much salary do you get?" "Are you married?" "Why aren't you married?"

    In some countries it may be OK to ask questions like these. However, in other countries including my own (the UK), questions like these would probably be considered very personal. Sometimes, however, we might want to ask a personal question. So, how do we do it in a way that doesn't cause offence?

    Asking personal questions

    It is difficult to ask personal questions, but we can make them softer by using phrases like these before you ask the question:

    • I hope you don't mind me asking but... (*see note below)
    • Can I ask you a personal question?
    • Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
    • I hope this doesn't sound too personal, but...
    • This might sound a bit personal, but can I ask...
    • I know I shouldn't be asking you this, but...

    So, if I want to ask somebody their age, I could say something like:

    • I hope you don't mind me asking but... how old are you?

    You can also use softening phrases like these after the question:

    • How old are you, if you don't mind my asking.
    • How much did they pay you for that job, if I'm not being too personal.

    However, it's probably better to use the softening phrase before the question.

    NOTE:
    In the phrases, I hope you don't mind my asking / if you don't mind my asking,  it is possible to use me instead of my. However, many people seem to feel that my is more correct.

Responding to personal questions

    If somebody asks something like, Can I ask you a personal question? You can respond in several ways:

    • Sure, no problem.
    • Yes, of course... as long as it's not too personal. (Stress on too)
    • Well, it depends how personal.

    If you don't want to answer a personal question, you can use phrases like these:
    • (I think you should) mind your own business!
    • That's none of your business!
    • Sorry, but I'd rather not say.
    • Sorry, but that's a bit too personal.

    WARNING:
    Mind your own business! and That's none of your business! are, of course, very direct and sound aggressive. Maybe it's better not to use them.


    Exercise

    Try to make short dialogues based on the questions below. Use some of the phrases we have seen in this lesson:

    1. Are you married?
    2. How much did you pay for that dress?
    3. How much salary are you making now?

    When you have finished, click here to see some suggested answers.


    Click below if you want to try some of my other one-point lessons:
    Bob's One-Point Weekly Lesson Archive

    © Robert E. Jones, 2005